Retaining Independence

My father was recently diagnosed with dementia and he's come to live with us. Things were going well and Dad could do most of his basic care himself, but then he had a mini-stroke. He came out of it OK, except he has limited use of his right arm. Since the stroke I've helped him with dressing and bathing.

Dad was always critical of my help and constantly telling me how to do things, even though I knew what I was doing. Then he started complaining bitterly about our meals. I couldn't understand why he was being so difficult when I was only trying to help him.

On one of his good days I asked him what was going on. Dad said it was very hard for him to accept my help. He was so used to being independent. And of course he's my father and took care of me when I was little. He couldn't stand the role reversal. I sure could understand that, and I asked what would make the situation easier for him.

Dad said that it would be better if Tim, my husband, helped him dress and undress. He said that if I started the water and laid out his towel and robe, he could shower himself.

Dad is also now requesting foods from the grocery store and choosing his meals. Things have gotten a lot better -- Dad's behavior is not as difficult and I'm a lot less stressed and anxious.

Grete

See also: Personal Tips -- Dementia